Korean Central News Agency: DPRK, China and others denounce United States’ insane idea to revive the Space Race

This morning, at 6.30 am KST, word got around that two very big satellites collided in an unprecedented incident. The Envisat satellite, a civilian observation satellites, collided massively with an unidentified satellite.

The ginormous size of the debris generated by this crash has already destroyed the American Delta IV and a French microsatellite and further threatens neighboring satellites. This may lead to a Kessler effect, which will turn the world into a “dark fog”, cascading the destruction of our communication abilities. It also threatens human life when the satellite eventually crashes onto Earth.

The UNCOPUOS conference immediately got up to address this. Without much thought, the US immediately suggested a revival of the Space Race and suggested all nations pool together their monetary resources and compete with one another to solve this issue. They suggested that the first country that manages to remove the debris will be rewarded with this pool of money.

They suggested that this provides a financial incentive for all and is a “fool-proof plan” that will address the issue quickly and effectively. They wish to start a space race and sour relationships between friendly countries, as this would “solve the issue quickly”.

In response to this horrendous claim, China and Russia admirably rose up and responded that such a race will not only slow down the international effort in response to this crisis but also cause nations to accelerate aggression towards one another. Russia mentioned that the US focused on a long-term solution, ignoring the short-term issues that must be solved at once. On the other hand, China mentioned that Less Developed Countries (LEDCs) will clearly lose out in this race and only More Economically Developed Countries (MEDCs), especially the US, will win the race.

This commendable claim was widely accepted in council, and all countries were moved by these counterclaims to the imperialistic US’s treacherous “masterplan”. Some delegates were so moved that they started applauding and were on the verge of tears.

South Africa echoed this idea, mentioning that they “do not have the resources to win this fight”. Saudi Arabia, on the other hand, implied that this was a clear act of economical bullying. The US was certain of winning their proposed space race, robbing financial resources of LEDCs and other economic competitors.

Inspired by the acts of comradely love displayed by China and Russia, even western nations, like France, UK and Denmark, rose up to defend the people and fight against the economic terrorist that is the US. France advocated that all brotherly nations in the UNCOPUOS must work with private corporations to focus on separate sub-issues to collectively solve the crisis. UK and Denmark, meanwhile, strongly condemned its traditional US ally, calling the space race “unnecessary” and “needless”, a sentiment well echoed within the council.

Despite the US’s strong opposition, the consensus in the council indicated that the gangster’s “masterplan” and perfidious agenda was utterly obliterated. As a common proverb says: “Which is the pot calling the kettle black”, the US exposed its true colors and their anti-humanistic and extremist views were widely damned in Council.

On the other hand, stirred by in Russia and China, all other nations apart from the US reached a consensus on how to solve the issue, favoring an assembly of international experts where nations pool together all their resources. A favorable resolution to resolve this crisis should arrive soon.

The attempts of the imperialistic US to undermine the world order is thwarted once again. This embarrassment will surely warn the US against any future thought attacks against the sovereign nations of the world. All nations are urged to rise up to fight against this colonial threat and liberate themselves once and for all.